The best way to describe the past year is with one word, surreal. The realization that I was expecting triplets…surreal. The endless days of bed rest and hospitalization…surreal. The months of heartache and Nicu days…surreal. And now the beginning of a new chapter in my life, returning to work…surreal. It feels like someone pushed the pause button on my life and the past 10 months have been at a stand still. Somedays, life flashes before me. Other days, it feels like everything is happening in slow motion. It’s all part of the roller coaster ride I’ve been through, and starting Monday, that roller coaster will be flipping upside down.
I have always known that I would be a career woman. I love what I do for a living and I get excited to go to work. So it’s no surprise to my family and friends that I would return to the world of television news. Most women take 6-12 weeks of maternity leave, but not me. When my 12 weeks were up, Peyton wasn’t even 4 pounds. She was still in Nicu with breathing and feeding tubes; learning to eat was still weeks away. It hadn’t even been a month since Parker passed away and I was nowhere near ready to be doing anything other than visiting my daughter in the hospital.
Being a news anchor is an unusual career. For me, who you see on television is the exact same person you see at the grocery store…though I’m probably sans makeup and hair on my days off! My job requires me to always be “on”. Needless to say, it’s difficult to push my emotions aside when my world has been turned upside down. For the past 8-9 months, I’ve been caring for my daughter, while going through the many stages of grief. I began seeing a therapist and learned that it’s completely normal and OK to cry and be sad. I learned that there is no timeline for grief and that missing my son and daughter is something I will always carry with me. Over the months, I have slowly begun to heal. I’ve realized that crying is just part of my daily routine, but it’s not always sad tears. I shed tears of joy for Peyton’s milestones and tears of happiness when I share memories of Parker and Abby.
When the new year arrived, I knew I was ready to press play on my life and begin to start a new normal. As I have mentioned before, I choose not to dwell on what happened to my family. Instead, I cherish the beautiful memories of my children and I’m proud of the impact they’ve had on so many lives. I’m sure some people wonder why I would go back to work? It’s simple. First, I need to financially. Ryan and I can’t afford not to work. We have 6 months of hospital bills that we will be paying for years to come, and a mortgage. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t be a stay at home mom. Second, I need to for my well being. While I will miss Peyton, I am excited to return to the workforce and have some adult interaction. I think that getting into a daily routine and being surrounded by my “news family” will help me move forward and heal. I know it will be an adjustment, but I think it will be a good one. And a quick side note. I owe a huge thank you to WAND and our parent company. I don’t know many companies that would save a job for someone nearly a year later. Thank you for trusting that I would someday return and welcoming me back with open arms.
So what happens to Peyton? We have a wonderful gal who is taking care of the princess while Mr. Skry and I are at work. The moment she walks in the door, Peyton’s face lights up…I think I’m being replaced! Peyton’s health is too vulnerable to be in a daycare setting, so we have to keep her at home. We are lucky to have found a wonderful lady who absolutely adores our daughter (and Riley too!). We spent a long time looking the perfect fit and I can say that I met some wonderful caretakers in our area. There sure are a lot of qualified and loving people, willing to help out working parents!
I have to share the sweetest gift I received, all the way from Wyoming. A new friend sent me a “back to work” package, filled with gift cards and things to ease my jitters. There are tissues for the tears I’ll be shedding, a picture frame for my work desk, even Hershey Kisses, so that I can have kisses from afar. My favorite–a Princess book for Princess Peyton, that I can record my voice reading it. What a thoughtful gift from such a thoughtful lady! Words can’t express how grateful I am to everyone around the world who has sent gifts ad well wishes to my family. It amazes me how generous people can be with complete strangers. It has taught me how to be more gracious and I can’t wait to pay it forward in the future!
I’ll be spending this weekend cuddling Peyton and enjoying my last few days as a stay at home mom. People have asked me if I’ll continue to update this blog? YES!!! You are all part of our extended family now, so I’ll continue to post Monday pictures and weekly updates. Of course I pick a day to return to work when my commute could get dicey! But, I’ll be back at WAND on Monday with bells and whistles. And while I may be closing one chapter of life, I’m starting a new chapter, filled with so much love and hope.
You can get daily updates on my Facebook page. Just click the link and “Like” the page! Stacey’s Facebook Page
Good luck going back to work. It is a juggle of time but I was always determined I was going to be a better mom BECAUSE I worked outside the home. Peyton is absolutely beautiful!!
Good luck at work.looking forward to new posts.
Stacey you are a star in all our eyes. We all look up to you for the strength you have shown. Becoming a Mother is life greatest joy and loosing a Child is the worlds worse heart break and all the ups and downs you surely have showed the world that we all can make it through anything. May God Bless you and your family and Welcome Back
congrats going back to work you are an amazing mother the lord will help you get through your working
Stacey–You, Ryan, Peyton, Abby, and Parker have enriched all our lives with your wonderful story. May God richly bless your family now and forever.
Look forward to seeing you back at WAND and also a continuance of updates on Peyton. Each Monday when I see your FB post no matter what my day at work may be like it makes me smile and I love reading your blog and seeing how Peyton is growing and coming into her own. Best of luck to you!
Hi Peyton. You are the luckiest little girl to have such loving, caring and intuitive parents. God knew what he was doing when He placed you in their care. Love following the journey of your life.
Hello Miss Peyton you look like you are doing great and what a beautiful happy little girl you are. May your smile brighten someone’s day or bring tears of joy to your parents eyes. Keep the blog stories coming as I look forward hearing what you have been up to
Hi Peyton – I have followed your journey since day 1 and I’m so thankful it’s brought you to this point in your life ! You have some very awesome parents who have done such a wonderful job of with your journey – I’ll be watching as your journey goes forward sweety <3
So glad you are going to continue the updates! Good luck at work. Sometimes normal days are the real gift! Take care!
Good luck as you return to work and will look forward to seeing you again on WAND we have missed you. Know you will be sar to leave Peyton, but sounds like you have a wonderful person to watch over her. So glad we will still have our Monday picture and the blog to read. God has bless you on your jouney and he will watch over you as you start a new chapter .
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. The words you wrote were honest and sincere. As I read them, I could feel my world expanding,my heart warming up and tears forming. It is a story of a life time and puts life into a deeper perspective! So much learned from such little souls through the eyes of the most genuine love in the world which is the love of a mother to their children!
Stacey and Ryan,
I am so very proud of both of you……and admire you for your courage! Good luck at your next chapter in life….I wish you the best. I would like to meet Peyton some time real soon!!!! 🙂
Good Luck with work and baby. Everything will work out fine. Take care and look forward to more.
Good luck going back to work. The gift you received is such a good idea! I’ve never heard of it. I’m loving the pictures of Peyton, she is so animated and developing her personality! You are very fortunate to have someone coming to the house.
Peyton is growing so fast now. love the pictures and blog. Just know we all are all looking forward to seeing you on Monday on WAND. God Bless you all.
I am so happy for you Stacey and your little Family. Peyton is just too adorable and I am so glad you are sharing your story with everyone. Excited to see you back on the air and know LIttle Peyton will probably be watching also with that darn contagious smile of hers 🙂 🙂
Looking forward to your return on WAND! Ms. Peyton will be full of smiles the minute her Mommy and Daddy walk in the door – she has grown so much and I enjoy each and every picture plus the wonderful blog! So glad you are going to maintain it!! Will be saying a little prayer for you come Monday morning….not only for returning to work but for safe travel back and forth! May God continue to Bless your family!
So glad your coming back to work…but I always knew you would…that’s the Stacey we have all grown To love…Be ready to cry all the way to work. .it just happens I don’t know why it just does…you will be fine until someone ask about her or your cell phone rings…that’s ok.
I didn’t get to finish….duh. ..you are an amazing mommy who we have all grown to love so much and are so thankful you and Ryan n Riley too decided to share your lives with us…i know i have learned so much from you and your story…Enjoy your Princess Peyton. .she will continue to prosper every day..she has those guardian angels whispering in her ears keeping her happy and making Her smile..hugs and stay strong♡♡♡♡♡
So glad we will get to see you next week , but please be careful with all the bad weather that is coming! I’d rather wait a few more days to see you and know that you are safe! God bless you and your family!!!!
SO happy your on your way back, missed you. And little Miss P. just can’t believe how much she change’s from week to week S H E JUST ADORABLE !!! All three of you will be doing OK, GODS right there to lend a hand. Best wish’s and blessing to you all. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Best of everything to all of you. Can’t wait to see you on WAND again and so glad Peyton updates will continue. Please give her a hug from me. Thanks.
Will be so good to have you back at Wand e have missed you . Peyton looks so great such a beautiful little princess .
Peyton is such a cute lil gal. Going back to work will be hard but it will also benefit her for the best also. God bless you. Three are a lot of fans behind you and wishing you the best.
Stacey, it’s great to hear that you are now able to go back to work, that Peyton is well enough for you to entrust her to another person while you are out. Just remember this – You will never be replaced in our hearts. I feel like a member of your family just by following your story about you and your children. I wish you the very best of luck going back to work, but remember it’s okay to miss being with Peyton when you are away from her. I always had to be a working mom and I missed my kids a lot, but I’m still their Mommy!!!
Stacey this is the first time I have read your blog, but I have followed your life over the past year since you had to take medical leave. I am truly sorry for you loss and hate to bring up hurtful memories. I am sure you have heard things about not to feel bad and things like that but it is hard not to after you have carried a baby under your heart for a long time and give birth to them and then they are taken to be with our Heavenly Father. I have always been a believer in their is a reason and a season for things that happen. I had a miscarriage one time and i was about 4 months and I know it is not the same as carrying a child until birth but it leave a void in ones heart just the same. I think of my lost baby as being one of God’s Angels in Heaven and frolicking up there holding Jesus hand with no pain or sorrow and no worries.
I hope this don’t sound lame but my heart goes out to you and I want to let you know just how cute your little girl Peyton is and I am sure it is going to be hard for you to leave her on Monday to go back to work so have a great weekend with her and take lots of pictures I look forward to seeing more pictures of her and hearing more about how she is progressing.
Have a great first day back to work! It will get better every day and you’ll have a routine down in no time. 😀