I’ll admit it–I am emotionally spent. I was fighting back tears for most of the last week. I know the next 6 months will be difficult with my triplets birthday and “Heaven Day” for both Abigail and Parker. But the tears came out of nowhere. I remember my co-anchor, Dawn, mentioning that Mother’s Day will probably be tough for me. I didn’t think anything of it.
But as I woke up on Sunday, I struggled to get out of bed. I started thinking about one year ago, when I was pregnant with the trio. Ryan and I visited my cousin and her kids for Mother’s Day and it was a special time. I was 16 weeks pregnant; life was so full of love and hope. As I thought back to last year, I broke down. Life has changed so much for me. That hope I was filled with one year ago, was now shattered–the bubbly, bouncing trio I planned to be holding this Mother’s Day, was now one precious baby that I don’t ever want to let go of. Facebook filled up with pictures of friends spoiled by their families…beautiful children showering their mom with love. I spent the day tearing up at everything and you know what? It felt good.
My parents were in town visiting and they cried along with me. I realized that it was OK to be sad and long for my other two children. And as I looked at Peyton, I kept thinking, thank God for her. I still have a beautiful child to hold onto. Their are so many moms out there who never got to see their child breath, whether it was because of a miscarriage or a stillborn birth. There are so many ladies who long to be a mom, but have dealt with years of infertility. I thought of those mothers and knew I wasn’t alone. Mother’s Day is a tough day for many. But I made it through the day. A mom on another blog put it perfectly. She said she survived the day. And that’s exactly what I did….I didn’t celebrate, I survived Mother’s Day.
It was a short visit with “MeMe” and “Papa”, but they loved every second they spent with Miss Peyton!
If you follow me on Facebook, you saw my post about revisiting the Nicu. Last summer, I remember telling the nurses how I want to return someday to do a story about the neonatal intensive care unit. No one ever expects their child to be there, but when it happens, your eyes are opened to a whole new world. I was lucky enough to spend the days at the Nicu where Peyton and Parker were taken moments after being born. We return to that 4th floor every month for a Nicu follow up with Peyton and her doctor, but this was different. For the first time since October 17th, I walked back into the Nicu. I met parents who were going through the same trials I went through. I met little babies who weighed barely two pounds. And as a parent of a micro preemie, I can say they looked amazing!
I interviewed my children’s doctors and nurses and reminisced about the good and bad times. It’s truly is a roller coaster ride. It took a long time for me to put these stories together because I didn’t want it to be all about my children. The Nicu is a big part of my life, but I had to find a balance between sharing a bit of my experience and showing a glimpse of what life is like in the nursery.
I went through home videos and shared one of the most personal moments of my life—doing kangaroo care (skin to skin time) with Peyton and Parker together. It’s hard to watch the videos and see my beautiful son….that light blond hair and his perfect little features. I look at his picture every day, but to see him in real life on video takes my breath away. He was perfect (I’m sure he’s with Abby looking down and saying, “Gosh mom, why are you crying again?!” as I write this).
I hope you can take a few minutes to watch the two part series. I’m really proud of how it turned out. Not only have I become life long friends with the nurses, but I have made some amazing friends with other moms in the Nicu. I’ve talked about Katie and Brittny before–their children were patients at the same time and we bonded over talks of breathing tubes and oxygen saturation rates! They are now stuck with me for life! Just click the links below to watch the video, or head over to the “Capturing Memories” tab on the blog. And thanks to all of you who have given me great feedback on the series. I hope to do more stories like these, later this year.
Nicu Video, Part One
Nicu Video, Part Two
I’ll leave you with some pictures of Peyton. She is starting to mimic us with expressions. When we smile, she does. And when Riley licks her, she sticks out her tongue! Probably not the most sanitary, but Miss P just wants to lick back! We’re working on teaching her “no”.
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[…] But as we all know, it only takes a moment for your life to be turned upside down. Last year, Mother’s Day was rough. I remember my friend warning me that the day might be difficult. It was my first Mother’s […]
Stacey, your blog today with photos made me cry…it grieves me heart to know you are hurting. But that sweet baby Peyton is so full of joy, just a look into her face, smiling most of the time, is amazing. Great pictures of all of you, your mom and dad with you and Peyton; Peyton sticking her tongue to lick Riley and the tray; and the individual photos with your dad and Peyton and your mom and Peyton. Real joy there…absolute joy. I am glad you can take things one day at a time. It is so valuable and important. I will continue to pray He lends you and Ryan and all your families that sweet strength and peace as you savor each day with Peyton, and know that one day you will all be together again in heaven. Much love, Aunt Mary and Uncle Mitch
What a touching blog.Enjoy reading them and seeing new pics of the princess.
Love the videos too.Thanks for sharing
Stacey…you did it again..you took my breath away…your triplets are so blessed to have you as their mommy…God gives and God takes away…all I know for sure is he left Peyton here for you because she is so beautiful and she can fill your heart with all the love and joy any mother can need….he has Parker and Abby in heaven guarding and protecting over Peyton…I know there will come a time when you will understand why..until then just rest assured your beautiful babies are watching over their sister and helping to keep her safe…..stay strong so Peyton will be happy and strong……hugs…♡♡♡
If I believed God took my daughter, I would have a hard time loving God. Do you honestly think you can tell a person ‘you will understand the reason why someday’ and expect them to be okay with that? God didn’t take my daughter, he welcomed her home with arms wide open. Human disease and human frailty killed my daughter. God would not have wished that on anyone.
Hi Stacey and Peyton this blog was a real teary one. I enjoyed your story so much and pictures of your Mom and Dad with you and Peyton. Stay strong tears come and I feel they help us heal.
All the Best Love and Wishes to your family
My heart is sad for you to have to experience such sadness on such a happy day for Mother’s. You are an exceptional mother and Ryan is an exceptional father. It takes so much just to be a parent let alone all the trials you have been through but you stuck it out! Your l ittle angel is such a amazing little girl and she will bring you j oy for the rest of your lives. Abby & P will forever be in your hearts and will carry you through the toughest times. Keep your beautiful smile going♥
Love your blog so much!! So look forward to reading it every week. Truly appreciate your hard work on the NICU segments. Things have changed so much in 34 years. My sister was born on 12/22/80 and spent her first 2weeks of life in the NICU. We lost her on 3/28/81 at the age of 3 months and 6 days. I was only 6 at the time, but will never forget the great care of the caring doctors and nurses of the NICU. God Bless you and your family, Stacey. Hugs and kisses to Miss Peyton.
Stacey, your little bundle of joy is sooooooo adorable…congratulations to her Mommy & Daddy….I know Mothers day is hard, but it will pass…seventeen years ago our daughter in NY went through the same thing that you did when her middle Son was born…she knows how you feel.. But then when her third Son was born, when he was about one year old, their Dad asked for a devorce, and it was on, MOTHERS DAY !!! the only good thing was, he did keep her kids while she went through Nurse’s school, but she has raised three boys all by her self…and we are so proud of her.. so Mothers day isn’t a fun time for her either after all this time…But I see you guys are doing such a wonderful job with your little princess, next thing you know, she will be going to school…all the best to all three of you….love Jo Ann Plopper in Taylorville…
Thank you for being able to revisit your pain to share your experience with the NICU. We are so fortunate to have such wonderful medical facilities so close to us. My 1st son spent about 6 of his 8 hours on this earth in Peoria followed 2 years later by my twins who thankfully were able to come home after 6 weeks. I can’t imagine if the hospital my babies had to be at was several hours away from my home and my older daughter. Enjoy every moment of watching Peyton grow up. My oldest is 32 and my twins will be 29 later this year and it seems like just yesterday when they were the size Peyton is now!
I did get to see your 2 part series on WAND and loved it! The interviews with the nurses and the other mom were wonderful! Thank you for taking us through the unit with you…..I pray that God will continue to strengthen Miss Peyton and grow her up to be a beautiful young woman, as her Momma is! I also pray for comfort, strength and peace for you and your husband as you continue this journey of tears, smiles and lots of JOY! God Bless you, Mr. Skry and Peyton! <3
You should do a post on what NOT to say to grieving mothers. I noticed some things in the comments above that made me cringe big time.
I like that…I survived mother’s day. Wish I would have heard that before reacting not-so-excitedly at all the Mother’s day questions I got at work. Complete truth, it totally sucked. I know I have my surviving twin and he’s amazing, but it still wasn’t what it should have been. Never will be.
Your blog today was the greatest! And the picture at the beginning would no doubt melt the coldest heart. She is sooooo adorable . The videos were very interesting. Can not even imagine what you people go through or the nurses in the NICU. What an inspiration you are to young women everywhere trying to have a baby. I never had children and is so nice to see other people so happy with their babies. Keep up the good work. You are doing an awesome job.
One day I am going to sit down and make time to read every single blog!! You touch my heart everyday with how strong you are. And I am so honored and blessed that I am going to get to spend 3 days in Chicago with you and get to meet this amazing women that has been blessed with Miss Peyton!!
I’m SO excited for our Chicago trip!
Peyton gets cuter everyday. Love the picture of her and your mom. Your mother is a beautiful woman and Peyton resembles her.
beautifully written as always! this was my second mothers day. my first was spent in the nicu and this year was my first at home with the girls. both years were bitter sweet for me because i don’t know that i will ever forget the years we were struggling to get pregnant and dreaded that day. and now i can’t help but think of the women who are still going through that battle or like you said have suffered the loss of their pregnancy or child. i hope that one day i can just enjoy the day, but at the same time i’m grateful for my whole journey because i think it has made me more compassionate/empathetic to others. you and peyton are such super women-a true inspiration.
I cried when I saw the pictures and story. Happy to see your Mom and Dad.
I agree with one of the comments above that some people need to learn what NOT to say. I lost my daughter to cancer and for someone to say God took her and I will understand one day is horrible! My God wouldn’t take my daughter away from me and there would never have bee a reason good enough in my eyes. Human disease took my daughter but I take comfort in believing God wrapped her in his arms and lovingly welcomed her home. I don’t believe God took your babies either. That would be cruel and my God is not cruel to let you have that joy then take it away. Instead he was waiting for them, and gave them all of the loving you would have wanted foe them and more.
Thanks for sharing this very difficult story with us and some of the things that you as a family did when Parker was here and then beautiful Miss P. I know one of the nurses you feature DeeDee her children and my grandchildren go to school together . What an inspiration you are to others to share your ups and downs with them and letting them know miracles do happen. God Bless you
Peyton is looking so big and so happy! Big hugs to you and your family. 🙂
Hello Princess Peyton, I have been following you since your mommy was pregnant. She does the news in my home town and now I live in NC. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you through your mommys blog. I have watched you grow from day 1 and you certainly make my Monday with your Monday cuteness