A Trip Down Memory Lane

We knew it was only a matter of time–Peyton would one day get sick and land in the hospital. Ryan and I are very realistic people, especially after the experience we’ve gone through. That’s what death does to you. So, while a hospital stay can be very traumatic for many people, it was the opposite for my family. As I mentioned last week, we were relieved. We know that Peyton has a different immune system from other kids her age, so it was a good feeling when we knew she would get healthy in a place where many doctors and nurses know her. And for us, it was a trip down memory lane.

I didn’t put much thought into it as we drove from the pediatrician’s office to Children’s Hospital in Springfield. We still have Nicu follow up appointments there, so it wasn’t like we were a stranger at the hospital. But as we got settled into our room on the pediatric floor, it felt eerie. It didn’t bring back memories of the four month Nicu stay. Instead, it was very reminiscent of my bed rest days at that very same hospital. The smell of the room, the furniture, even the view outside, were all reminders of a time when there was still so much hope and excitement.
Ryan and I switched off staying the night with Peyton. Every night I was reminded of 15 months ago, when I still had three children cooking inside of me. Each night, the train would pass by with an extremely loud horn, sure to wake up any adult trying to catch a few hours of sleep. And every night, I had a trip down memory lane as nurses would stop by to take vitals and check on my daughter. For Ryan and I, this was our routine for several weeks last year. But instead of Peyton, I was the patient. And Ryan was busy shuttling back and forth to the house to check on our dog.
I’m not going to lie–there were plenty of tears last week in the hospital. It was a constant reminder of what happened in 2013 and brought back plenty of “what if” moments. But the tears were also happy. We saw many familiar faces who took care of me and the triplets a year ago. From the respiratory therapists who hadn’t seen Peyton in 10 months, to the X-ray technicians who ran so many tests on both Parker and Peyton…it was a mini reunion of sorts! And I think the best part of the entire week was hearing from staff who I didn’t know. There were dozens of people who have been part of our journey in one way or another. And to hear that they worked on all three of my triplets, warmed my heart. When someone would bring up Parker, it brought out the tears. But it wasn’t sadness–it made me SO happy to hear that others remember my children. It was a reminder that they did exist and that Abby and Parker were alive. One of the nurses mentioned to me that she took Parker’s foot prints. I didn’t think anything of it until our conversation sank in. She said Parker was kicking and wide eyed. Then it registered–she didn’t take his birth footprints, she took his footprints the week he passed away. She was one of the last people to see my son alive. And those clay footprints are something I will always cherish.
All in all, the hospital wasn’t a scary experience. It was a simple reminder of how far we have come as a family. One of the nurses introduced herself to me and mentioned that she took me to the ICU. This lady literally saw me on my death bed. She told me that my family is an inspiration to her. When I look back at that day I delivered my trio, never did I think we would get to where we are today. I’m healthy and active, back to running. I have my witty  (yet VERY sarcastic) sense of humor back, sprinkled with plenty of tears of grief and sadness. I have a daughter that should not be here, yet is proof that miracles do exist. I have a wonderful husband who is my rock and biggest supporter. And together we are a pillar of strength. This year continues to be a roller coaster of a emotions, but our strength and faith are helping us conquer the unknown. And we know that anytime Peyton gets sick, a hospital stay could very well be in the cards. But I’ll welcome it with open arms. We have a medical community who marvels at my daughter and comforts my family with kindness and plenty of hugs.
Thank you for all of the well wishes and support. And a huge THANK YOU to all of the staff at St. John’s Children’s Hospital. Everyone was so kind and welcoming…there are too many names to list here. We love you all! Peyton is back to her happy self as you can see below!!

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