A Walk To Remember

It’s hard not to get emotional as I compare my life from a year ago. Last October, Peyton was close to 4 months old, learning how to eat in the Nicu. Little did we know, we were only a week away from bringing our surviving triplet home.
I’ve been quite emotional lately. I think the memories from last year bring up many moments that are full of tears of sadness, as well as tears of joy. Peyton has come so far. Our little princess is now pulling up on everything…it’s only a matter of time before she starts walking (hopefully in the next month or two!). I even find myself thinking, “Slow down Peyton. Don’t grow up too fast.” It’s quite ironic, since she’s been growing in slow motion for the past 16 months!
I think the heaviness of this month has also weighed me down. It’s “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month” and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about my two losses. Last weekend, Ryan and I took part in “A Walk To Remember” in Springfield. It’s a ceremony and walk that honors all of the babies who left this earth far too early, whether it be through miscarriage, infancy, etc. Last year, Peyton was in the Nicu, so Ryan and I walked with a couple of my fellow Nicu moms ( love you Katie and Brittny!). This year, Peyton joined us for the chilly event, along with Katie and my dear friend and fellow journalist, Natalie.
It was such a beautiful event. Each family is given a pinwheel in honor of their child. When your child’s name is called, you place the pinwheel in the Garden of Dreams. At the end, hundreds of pinwheels create a beautiful sight. When you think about all of the children who have passed, it sounds really depressing. But it’s actually not. Sure, hundreds of people have tears in their eyes as we all remember someone near and dear to us who has died. But, I wish I could describe what it’s like when your baby’s name is called out loud. While I didn’t have much time with Abby or Parker, I was able to hold them and create so many memories that will last a lifetime. But many others never even got to meet their child alive. There are several statistics out there, but simply put, miscarriages are much more common that you may think.  So this event, and others like it across the country, give families a way to honor their children and hearing their name is a reminder that they existed.
 

 
Last year, we placed the two pinwheels in front of our home and that’s where they’ve stayed. We’ll replace them with our new pinwheels, which is the first thing I see every morning when I leave for work and every night when I returned home. It’s just another little thing that helps us honor Parker and Abby.
For the first time in nearly two years, I’m heading home to see my family in California. Because of fertility treatments, pregnancy and then our aftermath, I haven’t made it home in ages. Unfortunately, Miss P and Ryan are staying home…Peyton can’t be on a plane full of germs! So they’ll enjoy some daddy-daughter time, while I catch up with family and friends in San Diego. But I should be honest, the original reason for this trip was to go see my Oregon Ducks play football in Pasadena. We’ll be watching them take on UCLA at the Rose Bowl and I can’t wait!!! I think I deserve a trip, a few nights of decent sleep and hopefully (cross your fingers) a big Ducks victory! My mom will be flying back with me next week to help out with Peyton. I’ll have a full report on my trip to Sunny San Diego, next week on the blog!