Exactly two years ago, Mr. Skry and I walked into the fertility center for our 6 week ultrasound. We knew the blood work was leaning towards twins at 4 weeks, which we thought was perfect! We spent years dealing with infertility and having twins would make our family complete. Little did we know that we’d be in for the shock of our lives that day. As the ultrasound tech searched for heartbeats, our smiles and nerves grew. Baby A looked great and Baby B had a strong heartbeat. We were relieved! But before we could even catch our breath, the lady simply said, “And here is Baby C.” What?!?! How is that even possible? They transferred only two embryos, so that didn’t seem right. As our doctor explained, one embryo split, creating two identical babies. It’s a moment in life that I will never forget. The shock was visible across my face, while pure joy swept over Ryan’s face. And so began our journey of the Skrysak triplets.
As most of you know, our picture perfect family didn’t end up exactly as planned. As the months went by and my belly grew, plans were in place to bring three precious little babies home from the hospital. We had three of everything and were creating plans for a beautiful gender neutral nursery. But at 18 weeks along, everything was put on hold. The complications grew and prayers were being said for us from people around the world. June 23, 2013 was the best day of my life and one of the worst. We met our beautiful triplets, but we also said goodbye to our daughter Abigail.
Fast forward 20 months and I’d like to think that life is going well for my family…considering the circumstances. Our survivor is doing great and we find plenty of things to laugh and smile about every day. But there are always triggers, constant reminders of our two children who are now angels. Friends and family helped exchange most of the gifts we had received for our triplets. There was no need for three burping pillows or 3 bouncers and swings. But, there was one box that sat in our playroom for 20 long months, only glanced at as I was putting Peyton’s old clothes away. I knew it was there, but couldn’t bring myself to go through it…until now.
I finally felt ready. This month, I opened that final storage box and went through the contents. Clothes, burp clothes, towels for three triplets. Everything was catered for two girls and one boy. As I say time and time again, there is no timeline for grief. And there was no one telling me that I needed to go through that box. I could have kept that box as it was for decades. But I was finally ready. After 20 long months, I was ready to let go. I knew what was in that box and I knew that I didn’t need most of the gifts that sat untouched for more than a year. So I slowly laid out the items and decided what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to donate. I kept three adorable duck onesies that were the first triplet gifts my in-laws sent us early on in the pregnancy.
I saved the three onesies I purchased right after we found out the genders, the tags still attached. And I kept some funny little “Pee-Pee Teepees” for Parker, a gift from my sister-in-law. But I didn’t need the other things, they were just material items. I hung onto the sentimental stuff, the tangible things that remind me I really am a triplet mom and I really did give birth to three children. The other stuff, I wasn’t attached to. It was time to pass it on to someone who could use it.
As I put the items back into the storage box, I added a few other sentimental memories. A baby shower game that had friends picking the names of our trio. It was so special because I was admitted to the hospital the day of my shower. While it was mostly canceled, a few close friends arrived at my bedside to give me a makeshift shower, complete with games and cake. I also kept our welcome home sign that my college friends sent to celebrate Peyton’s arrival at home. Those are just a few of the memories I want to savor. I have every little sentimental memory of Parker and Abby organized in separate boxes.They are the only things I have to physically hold onto. So while they aren’t here with me today, I can at least touch Parker’s clothes or Abby’s little hospital hat.
Other parents who have lost a child have shared their experiences with me. Many say it doesn’t get easier, but it gets “less difficult” over time. That comment has stuck with me since the day my first child passed away. It’s true. I’m always going to grieve the loss of P & A, but that grief has changed over the past 20 months. And this month made me realize how much I have changed. I was finally ready to let go, to move forward with life. That simple box, held so much hope, yet so much heartache. It was as if letting go was a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. It may have been a simple gesture, getting rid of some baby things I know we will never use. But, it means so much more. This emotional task is symbolic of where I am heading. It’s a reminder of my children, but also a glimmer of hope for the future. I’m going to be ok. Life will be ok. We’re always going to be a family of 5, we’re just lucky to have two angels to guide our way.
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Beautiful words of wisdom. Blessings to you.
So beautiful and touching.hugs jane
Brenda brown says
prayers for you and family two little angles looking down on you everyday and smiling
aileen bonham says
your family has come along way and everytime I see your comments/pics on FB I smile and are amazed how far you have come, your little ones are watching from heaven and it will be a glorious day when you meet again. prayers always coming for your family.
aileen bonham says
ohhhhh and Hi!!!!!! PEYTON!!!!
Bless you Stacey. We were blessed with one daughter. She was born after two miscarriages and before two more. Last fall I made the difficult decision to gift and sell all the baby things that will not be used anymore. It was painful but I also was thankful for the chance to pay forward in the name of all my heavenly babies.
Sharon Nolte says
You are such an inspiration–thank you.
Erika Amezcua says
Oh Gosh Stacy you are so brave.
Heartfelt words and action. Abigail and Parker are your special angels smiling down on their loving parents and Miss Peyton. Blessings for the future. Peyton will continue to brighten your days with smiles, new accomplishments and laughs. Hugs to all!!
Hi Peyton may God bless you and your family
You’ve come a long way in 20 months. Bless you and your family. My prayers are with you. Miss P will definitely keep you hopping. She’s on a mission – a special mission for 3. Hugs to all of you!!
Phyllis jewitt says
Oh Stacy .my heart goes out to you. I know it was so hard to be able to let go but at least you new it was time not an easy task but you did it god bless you and your family and your little angels in heaven. Thanks for letting us share this with you.
Debbie Collins says
Hello Miss Peyton! Have s splendid blessed day! Blessing to you all!!
I truly am amazed by you and your family. Your little Peyton is so precious as your other two children are. Peyton is such a miracle and doing so well. I love all of your updates and prayers and hugs to you all. Tell Peyton hello and keep up the good work! ❤️
PATRICIA ALLEN says
Hi Ms.Peyton,,,,,,Stacey,,stay strong (and) Be Ever So Grateful To Have The Precious Memories of Parker n Abby and U are so very Blessed with “little Miss Peyton”! U are in my thoughts n Prayers!! ☺️
Jo Ann Rockford Plopper says
you are such an awesome Mom Stacey..God knows the special person you are..and he knows how special little Miss Peyton is.. He loves your little Parker & Abby, that’s why he keeps them close to you, so they can watch and take good care of you, Miss P and their Dad…they know now that it’s time to move on. But that doesn’t mean you will forget them..They will always be in your heart..thank you for these special storys and your heart that goes into them…Jo Ann Rockford Plopper…
Becky Stevenson says
Peyon might want those items one day to use for her dolls. What a great way to discuss it with her.
Great blog! Peyton has come so far and with her 2 angels above will continue to go even farther. She is quite a girl. I remember my brother losing their first baby and the turmoil they went through over it. They felt they had done somethng wrong when they had not. Took long time for them. Even now after 40 + years and and 2 more daughters I know they still think of her. She was 6 weeks when she passed. Think is God will to take them back even though we can not ever figure out why. Guess one day we will know. Many blessing to you and your family.
Loved this memory page and hear someof the things you can let go of now. You inspire me every time I read your blog because you always find a rainbow or a kind word about every thing. I have enjoy your blog so much and love all the pictures sweet Miss P and know what a special person she is
Kandi Russell says
Breath taking….You never cease to amaze me…you are 1 of the stongest women I know….you have been through so much… but… yet you still pull up your boots straps and move on. All 3 of your children are so lucky to have you as their Mommy…your the Best!!!!! Keep on pushing..and Stay Strong!!!
Joanne Burke says
A very special blog, from a very special person. God Bless you all
Thank you for sharing your story! I really appreciate it! We have an angel in heaven too! I’m sure he has lots of friends including Parker and Abby. Soon we’ll see them! 🙂
Give Peyton a big hug and kiss.
Sarah Thomas says
Thank you for writing this! I just lost my son, also named Parker, in December at 27 weeks. It’s tragic how so many families have to go through this…I’m so sorry.
Thank you so much for sharing this. This is something I’m struggling with. Our daughter, Peri was stillborn 2 months ago at 39 weeks. While I have returned some clothes with the help of a friend, the door to her bedroom, which is right across the hall from ours, remains closed. It is so difficult to even open the door. It is good to know that after some time, you found the strength to do this. Beautiful story. You have two beautiful angels. Peace to you.
Erika Amezcua says
Your story gets to me and can’t help but remember my own angels.
I absolutely love your blogs and your posts. My husband and I naturally conceived triplets much to our surprise. We also had a set of identical twins in the group. Sadly, they were born at 18 weeks and didnt survive. Your posts give me courage and strength that life will get easier, and that I am not alone. The roller coaster of grief is very real. Thanks for being so open and honest. It truly helps. Xoxo