Almost 2 ?!?!

How is it that my tiny surviving triplet is almost 2 years old?!? It’s hard to even comprehend because it feels like just yesterday when I delivered my babies. As the weeks lead up to their birthday, I’m reminded of each and every milestone in my pregnancy, most of them medical scares as we reached closer to June 23rd. I look forward to the time when I stop relieving every day from 2013. My memory of the Spring/Summer of 2013 is so vivid. And while it physically hurts my heart when I think about those days, I also dread the moment when I no longer remember….when it’s foggy and I can’t pinpoint the moment I heard Abby squeak or what it was like watching our son, Parker, take his last breath. But, maybe those are moments that are ingrained in my mind forever. I sure hope so. I have so few memories with my two angels, I want to always remember and cherish every second we had together.
Last year, Peyton was in what I call her baby stage. She was one year old, but behind developmentally. She was just starting to sit up on her own and wasn’t even close to crawling or making any noises. Because it was an emotional time for my family, we decided not to do a big celebration. This was one of many “firsts” for us: the first Christmas, first Mother’s Day and first Birthday with our lone survivor. It’s a happy occasion, but oh so bittersweet. We ended up having our nanny’s family over for a cake and presents. On her actual birthday, I kept very busy. Peyton had several medical appointments and we were out and about for most of the day. I knew June 23rd would be a tough day, so I kept myself occupied. It wasn’t until the end of the day when we sang Happy Birthday to Peyton and lit candles in memory of her siblings, that I broke down and sobbed. Everyone deals with grief in their own way, and that’s how I dealt with it: staying busy, then allowing myself to grieve once we made it through the day.
Well this year is different. Sure, I may be typing through tears right now, but I’m a different person. I’ve come a long way in healing and moving forward in life. I’m in an extremely happy place with my career and my family. Life is good. I still tear up when I talk about my triplets and random memories trigger the waterworks, but all in all, I am genuinely happy. Look at Peyton–just seeing that miracle child giggle or pose for the camera, should make even a grumpy person smile! She is absolutely the center of our family (Riley, too!). She is what makes me smile at all hours and she keeps me going on my most difficult days. As Ryan can attest to, Peyton fills our home with laughter and so much love (and maybe has caused a few grey hairs as well)!
So in June, we’re celebrating all things Princess Peyton! My parents will be flying out from California and we’re even hoping for my brother’s family to join us in Illinois for the celebration. It hit me last weekend: I need to start planning! We have a location, but I need to start searching Pinterest for ideas. I thought it was fitting to celebrate “Princess Peyton”, since she was called that since her first few weeks of life. Nurse Shelly even picked out a tiny toy crown and put it on Miss P in the Nicu. They were hoping a crown would help her be more like a princess and less like her diva ways. She was a difficult girl in the hospital! But, as doctors often remind us, her strength and fight is what made her survive.
It doesn’t really matter what we do, whether I go all out with decorations or just a simple party. It’s all about Peyton and that’s the reason we are bringing friends and family together. She deserves to be celebrated for the little girl she has become, and I have no doubt, Peyton will LOVE to be the center of attention. As I start planning her party, I remind myself it’s ok to be a bit sad. As we sing Happy Birthday to Peyton the tears will most certainly form, but it’s ok. I know I won’t be alone. While we celebrate Miss P in Illinois, Abby and Parker will be celebrating in Heaven. And of course, we have found little ways to make their presence known at Peyton’s party. Peyton has so many toys. So instead of gifts for P, we are asking friends to bring a children’s book to be donated to our local Nicu in honor of our angels. It’s something we started last year and we want to make it a yearly tradition.

I’ll share more details as we get closer to her party. But I want to give a HUGE thank you to a fellow preemie mom who created these amazing invites! If you’re ever looking for invitations or holiday cards, Kari Killeen Custon Invitations did an amazing job. Thank you for the beautiful invites!
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