For the first time in 2 1/2 years, I feel like my typical self. I have returned to the old Stacey, the one filled with so much hope and happiness. Life is good!
As most moms will tell you, being pregnant is an amazing time in your life. Despite the morning sickness and swollen feet, it’s a wonderful feeling to know that you are creating a little person inside of you (or in my case 3!). When I look back at the past few years, I can pinpoint my pregnancy as the last time that I was genuinely happy with everything in life, where all that surrounded me felt perfect. 
You can see it in my face, I had that “pregnancy glow”. But life isn’t always perfect, which is something I learned as I delivered my triplets 4 months premature. It was a difficult time to process the events in my life: losing one child within hours of birth, almost dying from septic shock and spending days in the ICU, and eventually losing a second child. So it’s no wonder that I wasn’t my chipper self.
Over time, life settled down. Peyton came home from the Nicu, I eventually returned to my career, and our family got into a routine as we learned how to move forward with one surviving child. But a year ago, Ryan and I seriously considered uprooting our family. We pondered moving back West, closer to our family. We thought about moving in order to get that fresh start, since there are so many bittersweet memories we associate with Springfield. But as the months went by, things were slowly coming together. I started a new job, Mr. Skry got a job promotion and Peyton began to excel with her health and development. Several pieces of a puzzle suddenly fit perfectly together. Every sign kept pointing to Springfield, so we finally realized this is where we are meant to be.
This summer we decided to plant some roots and bought a house. Every day I wake up and think, “I feel at home.” Peyton and Riley love everything about it: the big open spaces filled with too many toys and the beautiful backyard where they both can run free and play. Even while I type this, I am smiling as tears roll down my cheeks, thinking about how happy I am. We may not have all of our family nearby, but the Central Illinois community has become our support system, sort of an extended family. Springfield has become our comfort zone, a place where we’ve shared our lives with so many people. We’ve made lifelong friends through our Nicu days and our coworkers over the years have become family. Our dear friend and nanny, Leda, came into our lives for a reason. She doesn’t just help Peyton, Leda has enriched our life in so many ways.
But it’s more than that. I’m at peace being a mother of two angels. Through the grief, I’ve learned to embrace this role. I have found purpose in helping others through sharing our story and I have found special ways to keep the memories of Parker and Abby alive. I have an amazing husband, who truly is my rock. And thanks to family and friends, both near and far, our little family has supporters stretching around the world. What can I say? I’m a lucky girl. And even though it took some time, I’m lucky to find my old, happy self.
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I can feel the lightness in your words and the relief that the dark cloud is moving away. I’m so happy for you and I wish you continued light. p.s. I’m glad you’re staying! 🙂
You are awesome!
It takes a long time to deal with the grief of losing a child let alone two. Time does wonders in helping us cope with the loss. You have many blessings in your life which I know helped you heal. I am so glad you feel happy again.
You do have so many blessings, you wonderful and talented family, your husband, your beautiful and precious daughter that you should be grateful and I am glad you have found that peace! You have always been a precious child and now adult and am I so proud to have had time to share with you! Love you!
Your words are very heart warming ! It is nice to know the dark clouds has past and your are feeling HAPPY again! Your life is filled with the care of perfect Peyton. You are AWESOME ! You are letting go of the past and living the future with your lovely family !!! Focus on GOOD memories and your life will be happier and enjoy every minute you can with perfect Peyton. She is a living doll !!!
Good Morning Ms Peyton! ( mommy and daddy too ). Stacy, your post made my heart lighter this morning … Thanking God for His ever faithfulness in your family’s life! Have a wonderful day!
Beautiful blog. Loved all the pictures. God Bless you all
Love your blogs,glad you are feeling happy again
hugs jane
Thank you Stacey for being so real and honest. You have a gift with words and sharing your story..it touches so many. I’m glad you’ve chosen Central Il to call home.
HI Peyton. You are so special and I am so happy things are returning to a normalcy. Keep smiling and growing. We send our love as always.
Your blog has put words to the feelings I’ve been having myself for the last 2.5 years! Thankfully I’ve not had to deal with some of the excruciatingly difficult things you have but too was looking for a restart of sorts and thought about moving towards family but realized where we need to be. Am finding joy in doing the things I used to once do and am not only a mom but finally a wife, daughter, and friend again to those I love and surround me. Thanks again for letting me know there are others who have similar thoughts/feelings and day hi to Peyton for me! What a sweetie!
im so happy and so proud of you moving on more and more everyday and not so sad your such a blessing to your family and friends and your amazing little one peyton she is such a doll
I am so happy and thankful you have found peace and happiness again! Thanks so much for sharing your bravery with us all. I’m so proud to know you!!!! Xoxoxo
I’m glad. Lots of Boise love and light to you and your family. 🙂
thanks for this wonderful post and I can see that sprinkle in your eyes again and Miss P is the sweets little girl. We are the lucky ones cause you share your joyous and sadness with us all so we can pray for you and your family . keep up the great work you do to help others. God has blessed you 10 fold
Glad to hear from you . Peyton has grown so pretty day by day.
I’ve followed your blog for awhile and am so happy you’ve found peace. I didn’t go thru nearly the amount of trials and tribulations you did, and I’m also just now feeling like myself after a high risk pregnancy two years ago. I’m in awe of your strength and courage. Hope you continue to blog about your journey as it’s truly inspirational.
How’s my pretty doll?