The store aisles are filled with cards, florists are creating beautiful bouquets. Mother’s Day is soon arriving. It’s a day to celebrate and pamper the amazing women in your life. But, for those spending a Mother’s Day with empty arms, it’s a day most would like to forget.
In 2013, I was pregnant with triplets, spending my first Mother’s Day growing three healthy babies. My life was filled with hope and joy. I was meant to be a mother and I had the pregnancy glow to show it. For Mother’s Day, my parents sent me three “blessing bracelets”, one in honor of each child. I remember wearing these with pride, amazed that I would finally become a mother later that year. But later, turned into sooner, as I gave birth more than 17 weeks premature. Less than two months after Mother’s Day, I became a mother to my surviving triplet, and eventually, a grieving mother to two angels.
I never put much thought into Mother’s Day after my children were born. I knew the first Christmas and Birthday would be difficult, but I honestly thought of Mother’s Day as more of a “Hallmark Holiday”. But as the day arrived, I found myself hiding in the bedroom. The weight of grief consuming my body; tears taking over as I laid in bed crying. Yes, I have one beautiful miracle child, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I lost her two siblings.
Mother’s Day is supposed to be a happy occasion. But, when your arms are empty, whether it be from child loss, miscarriage or infertility, it can be tough. Instead of celebrating being a mother, you wonder, why me? And as you watch Facebook explode with pictures of happy families, you think about what could have been.
For me, I look at my daughter and wonder what she would be doing with her brother and sister by her side. Would her hand print card, be a trio of hands? Or would each of my children make their own special Mother’s Day card for me? And for years before I became pregnant, I longed to be that happy family on Facebook celebrating the holiday. Instead, I was facing yet another Mother’s Day with empty arms due to infertility, wondering if I would ever get that happy ending.
As we get ready to shower our mother’s with gifts and praise, let’s not forget those moms who may be struggling. For those who have experienced a loss through miscarriage, still birth or child loss, even though your child cannot be held in your arms, they hold a special place in your heart. You are a mother and always will be. And for those struggling with infertility, it’s completely normal to be sad. While this Mother’s Day may be heartbreaking, next year could be full of hope and happiness.
I know Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet, but I’ve come to accept that this is my new normal. My heart swells with pride as I hear my miracle child call me “mom”. Just recently, she opened my nightstand drawer, finding the three beautiful bracelets given to me three years ago. I teared up as I saw them, since they sat in that drawer due to tarnish. As my daughter pulled them out, she asked, “What is this?” I smiled as I explained the meaning behind each blessing bracelet. Peyton looked at each bracelet, inspecting them carefully and then she repeated me, “One for Peyton, one for Parker and one for Abby.” I am a mother to triplets. Each of my children are blessings, I just have two blessings looking over my family from above.
Happy mother’s day
You have the most precious gift of all in Peyton. She will always be her brother and sister all wrapped up in her. Just remember when you give her hugs and she returns it, you are getting all three in one. Just remember, you have all three just like with Jesus, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Hugs to you and your family.
Happy Mother’s Day! Your angel babies are always looking upon you. Enjoy your day and remember you are loved deeply by your child here and the ones in heaven.
I love your blog this morning! You are blessed with a beautiful daughter here on Earth and two beautiful Angels watching over you and your family from Heaven! I am the mother of two wonderful grown children and every Mother’s Day ( for the last 20 years ) I feel the loneliness of not having my children close to me to help celebrate “my” day! My children live in NC and FL and have been gone from me for over 20 years so I do understand that “emptiness” and “loneliness” …….I will be sending up a little prayer of Happiness for you, Peyton and Ryan as you celebrate being a wonderful, loving mother to Peyton, Parker and Abby!
This is such a great reminder. My years long struggle with infertility left me feeling sad on many Mother’s Days. Sending you love and hoping that you enjoy the day with your sweet daughter.
This is such a tender piece, thank you for sharing it with us.
God bless you…and thank you for sharing your story…hugs…
Thank for your sharing your honest thoughts. Thinking of you and sweet Peyton!
Happy Mother’s Day to you!! My cousin just experienced a still birth in March, so we’re all still mourning. (We’re a very close family) I will be sharing this with her to lift her up a little! Thank you so much for this post, I know she will love to know she’s not alone on a day like Mother’s Day!
Such a beautiful posting!! You are making a difference in so many lives. May God continue to bless you and Happy Mother’s Day.
Your post made my eyes water from both happiness and sadness. We have a beautiful daughter here with us but another up in Heaven. I’m so thankful for the child we have with us and love her dearly but I hurt everyday thinking of the child that I don’t get to hold, don’t get to tuck into bed, and will never meet. In June we will be transferring our last two embryos through IVF and I dread the thought of having two more angel babies. The path to motherhood is so hard and so unfair to so many.
I love reading your posts and knowing I’m not alone in this world. Enjoy your day with Peyton! I hope it is filled with laughter and joy.
your a blessing of a mother and amazing hope and pray you have a blessed mothers day you deserve it
Beautiful post. I’ve always had mixed feelings about mother’s day as a result of infertility too. So much pain and happiness all mingled together. Thank you for sharing.