I’m used to being called names. I’m used to negative comments calling me fat, ugly and every name in between. That’s life as a television news anchor—not everyone is going to like you. And that’s okay. While I am good at brushing off the mean comments, when someone attacks my parenting, that’s NOT okay. I received a message that was not only hurtful, it brought me to tears, as my entire body began shaking. To the woman who called me sick because I talk about my children who died, my heart hurts for you.
As a mother who has experienced child loss, premature birth and infertility, I put my life out on full display. I write and share my family’s story as a way to help others, all while getting the chance to share stories about all three of my triplets, even though two are no longer alive. Yes, the Internet can be filled with insensitivity, especially when I discuss topics that, even in 2019, are considered taboo. Most times, I can take the high road, but not today.
“You need to get past this, it’s so sick. Please, please get help. It’s so sick. Your child lives in shadow created by you. Stop stop stop, it’s beyond sick. I’m so sorry for you but please stop with this. Lay them to rest and move on. Get therapy but don’t drag your husband and child through this. So so sick. I’m sorry that you are so sick and debilitated by that you don’t even see how sick you are. Please stop.”
It’s been 6+ years since my triplets were born, and in all that time, never has a comment made me sick to my stomach. In the minutes after reading this message, so many emotions took over me. I wanted to yell at this woman. I wanted her to know how much words can hurt. And I wanted to know if she has ever lost a child. I tried to calm down, but that message kept coming back to me. I found myself awake throughout the night, quietly sobbing while my heart was racing and hurting at the same time.
I put my life out there on the Internet, so I have to realize that people are entitled to their opinion, even if it’s negative. But here’s the thing—If you’ve followed my family and our story for years, you would know that my life is not surrounded by grief and loss. Social media is not an accurate view of a person’s life. You only see snippets on Facebook and Instagram, and oftentimes, you only see the most glamorous, happy moments. I choose to show reality, and it’s not always pretty. I share the heartbreaking moments of parenting children in both heaven and earth. Yet, I also show the wonderful moments of raising a daughter who is truly remarkable. If you’ve followed my story, you would know that I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. Yes, it’s possible to find life after loss and it’s possible for grief and happiness to coexist. My life doesn’t revolve around grief, and no, I don’t dwell over my losses every day.
My daughter is her own person, a unique individual full of joy and spunk. She will always know how special she is and we are constantly finding ways to celebrate her, along with remembering her brother and sister. Yes, my daughter is here. She’s alive and present. But, I’m not going to forget that she was a triplet and I’m not going to hide the fact that I’m a mother to two angels above.
I woke up today, exhausted from a lack of sleep and worn out from the emotional toll of this cruel message I received. But, the more I think about it, the more I want to share. I have a unique platform through television and writing where I can be a voice for others. I can share the ups and downs of life and know that I am making a difference. If at least one person reads my words and feels like they are not alone, then it’s worth it. For every one negative message I receive, I know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people around the world that can relate to my life.
Life has been difficult for my family at times, but we choose to look at the positive. The loss of two of my children is not a burden, I now choose to see it as a blessing. I would give anything to have them here today, but I’ve learned to find the good in our tragic situation. All three of my children have shaped who I am today. My children have taught me compassion, grace and kindness, all traits this cruel woman could learn from. It’s tricky being a parent of child loss, but I’m doing the best that I can and I know all three of my children are proud of me.
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If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all should be this womans motto. I don’t understand how people can say these things. I am sorry you have to hear them. Everyone grieves differently. Those precious babies are a part of your life and always will be. Keep writing. You do a great job and you are beautiful.
I have never lost a child, thank God, but I did lose my husband o f 40 years, 8 1/2 years ago. I believe that grief & loss is not something you get over. You carry it with you the rest of your life. Our society tends to want quick fixes to people who have experienced loss. They really don’t want you to talk about your loved ones and would prefer if you would just go back to being the person you were before this loss. Loss changes you. I will never be that person again. We don’t need to be fixed, or really any suggestions from family and friends of how to handle our loss. What we need is your quiet presence in our life and for ,you to talk about the loved ones we have lost. Remember them with us, understand when we can’t answer a phone or go to an event. Just be there. Grief is a very personal and lonely journey. No one knows this until they have to go through it. I am so sorry this person said such hateful things and hurt you so bad. Your blog has helped so many people who are experiencing all kinds of loss. It also gives hope to so many people to see your life today with your beautiful family. The comments made say so much more about the person who made them. I hope they can find some compassion and empathy for others. It is not their job to tell anyone how to grieve. Much love to you and your family.
I know the pain of the loss of a child. I talk about my son all the time. Keep talking about your precious baby. That woman is heartless!
Oh, Stacey, this cretin’s comments to you make ME sick!! Please consider the source and know that It/She? is the one with the sick mind. I SO respect you and your husband for allowing us to share in the joy as well as the sorrow of your triplets’ blessing in your life.
Only a person who IS SICK would post something as unkind as this to you or any other mother who has lost a child. My aunt NEVER got over the loss of the children that she had mis-carried. She never forgot them. While she was not a television anchor or a radio personality, she would talk about her miscarriages to the women in her church groups and family members. The person who sent those horrible thoughts to you had probably either suffered a loss, or had something happen to them that they were never quite able to work through the grief, the sorrow. If so, shame on the people who did not allow grief and sorrow to run its course.
So sorry for the,mean comment.
There is no timeline,on grief.You don’t get,over,it..
I enjoy all ur posts.
U have helped me deal with 2 miscarriages,I never had the chance to grief.Was told to get,over it,it wasn’t meant to be,u can have others.these comments didn’t help.
Continue being u.
Jane
Stacey, omg you’re a rockstar, beautiful, well shaped and quite normal to keep your children’s memory alive. Your daughter that survived is a miracle. 1. Be a triplet and 2. To survive. Just tell yourself there will always be a troll, a jealous selfish person unhappy in their own life to find people to hurt worse then they’re already hurting. It’s like a high for them. All you can do is pray for them..
I’ve miscarried 3 times in my life and I still feel the pain when the month rolls around and I didn’t even get to see my children. So you do what you have to do it’s your mourning not anyone else’s period. Remember that you do you and bless you for staying strong!!!
Stacey,
I am so sorry your received that horrible comment from a woman. Obviously she has never had a loss effect her in her whole life. I have never been in your shoes , as I do not have children,of my own, but I have nieces/nephews and if anything would have happen to any of them I would be heartbroken as an aunt and I am not sure I would ever get over the loss. I feel you are a brave person putting your life out there to let mother/fathers know that they are not alone. Please do not let that person dictate how long you grieve. I look forward to reading your post. As our parents said if you do not have anything nice to say keep your mouth shut and that is what that woman should do from now, and do not follow you on Facebook.
Stacey,
I’m so sorry that this person said something so heartless to you. I have a surviving twin that was born at 23 weeks and I have been following you for several years. I love reading your posts because they help me realize that I’m not alone in this experience. You are honoring your babies in a wonderful way and you are an incredible mother to all three of your children. I’m so grateful to be able to follow your story. Thank you for your honesty and inspiration.
Autumn
The person who wrote the message may or may not have experienced a loss. We can only pray that she will soften her heart and have compassion for others. Even though I have never lost a baby, I have not seen my daughter since she left home in 1995. She is not deceased, just estranged for some unknown reason. I understand your pain and loss, and I appreciate the platform that you have to share your experiences with others.
I suggest that if you receive an unwanted message like this person’s diatribe, just delete it after the first few words. Don’t even read it! The person has no power over you and has not walked in your shoes. Don’t waste your joy on drivel like that! Stay cool and stay happy!!
I agree with all the others your not sick the other person is for hurting you and your family you are trying to help others who are going through this and yes keep the memory of you children alive. I lost my brother almost 15 years ago and I still talk about him and our family often share things he did and would do today. I was always be nice to others and God wants us to do in our lives. I fell sorry for people who must say negative things all the time . Put God in your life and maybe you will see a rainbow of but not one with gray and ugly colored
I’m so sorry . That lady is so wrong. We talk about my great granddaughter, Lillian. We celebrate her birthday every year and have a small decorated tree for her at Christmas. If you are “sick” for remembering your Angel’s, then so are we.
I am a mother to a beautiful 3 year old boy. I treasure him every single day. I wake up, go to work, put on my best smile as a nurse, and help take care of others. What people may not see is that I am also a mother to 4 angel babies. I talk about losing my babies often. They are a huge part of me and I cannot and will not forget them. I have had 2 early miscarriages, a 2nd trimester miscarriage with our daughter, and carried our son full term. He lived for 2.5 months and touched our lives so much. That is not something I can forget about, and I dont have any desire to. I have learned that people who have not experienced such loss can never truly know the pain that we feel. There are many people who do display empathy and those are the people who clearly have a good soul. For those who could say such hateful, heartless words may not be capable of loving and seeing life in another’s eyes. You are doing a great job and never let anyone dim your light. You will always be a Mom to three beautiful babies. So sorry for your pain and having to get such gut wrenching messages.
On February 1, 1963, I delivered a full term baby girl, Mary Ann. She had hyline membrane disease and lived 2 hours. On February 1, 1964, I delivered another baby girl,. Julie, full term, who was perfectly normal. I have always believed there was a message there. We consider Mary Ann our Angel who we can call on to intercede for us. Julie did not replace her, but she has been an earthly angel in her own right. Grief is totally personal. It is not ever to be judged.