Rainbow baby. It’s a term that is often used to describe a baby born after weathering the storm of child loss. That baby offering families hope, a rainbow at the end of the storm.
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It’s a term I love, but sometimes despise.
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Ask any parent who has endured tragedy, you never get over the loss of a child. We never forget. A piece of our hearts will always ache. So, while this this little miracle growing within in me is my rainbow baby, that doesn’t mean life is filled with rainbows.
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I am a mother to four. Most people only see one child standing next to me, maybe even notice there is one on the way. But strangers will never know that my daughter is actually a triplet, that her brother and sister died more than five years ago. While this rainbow baby brings us new life, it will never replace the two children we lost.
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We may have weathered the storm of child loss, but for many parents like me, the rainbow is still far off in the distance. On the days when we can’t feel the baby move or we wonder if it still has a heartbeat, that rainbow may seem unattainable. Fear, anxiety and grief feel like we’re under dark clouds, with no sunshine in sight.
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I am a “rainbow mama”. As I wade through the treacherous storm of pregnancy after loss, I remind myself that this time is not like the last. Even though I lost two children, it doesn’t mean that this pregnancy will find the same fate. I may not feel calm and comfortable until I have a healthy baby in my arms, but I won’t let fear overshadow hope.
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As each week passes by, that distant rainbow inches a little closer. And on the days when doubt puts a tight grip around me, I look to the sky. The vibrant colors of the rainbow lead as far as the eye can see, a beautiful symbol of hope dancing though the clouds and storm.
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Rainbow baby. There are so many emotions that come with the term. I may not feel like I have conquered the storm, but this baby Reminds me of how far I’ve come.
You look great! My rainbow baby is 22 and I remember the fears. I think the only time I actually relaxed was day I was put in hospital knowing I was going to be induced in morning. I also remember the emotions day Zain was put in my arms….love happiness sadness all made an appearance