It may make some people uncomfortable. It may even make you cringe. But I will never stop talking about my children who died. 1 in 8 couples experience a form of child loss. And chances are you know someone who has. So, it’s comments like this one that make me sad…Sad that so many parents feel they need to tip toe around the topic, wondering who they might offend when they share their heartbreak.
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I posted a picture of my surviving triplet, sharing what it was like to hold her for the first time in the NICU. Yet, this woman wasn’t interested in my precious moment.
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“Here we go again. Please feel blessed and happy with the two that you have here with you.”
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I actually read the comment several times, trying to process what I saw on my screen. I usually take the high road with what I like to call “internet trolls”, but for some reason, my heart was hurting and I responded.
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Here’s the thing—parents who have experienced a devastating loss shouldn’t have to explain ourselves. We shouldn’t have to justify why we are talking about our children. Just because they are no longer alive, doesn’t make them any less of a child.
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As I look at my surviving triplet and our precious new baby, I am so grateful for my living children. I truly feel like my life is so blessed and I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. But that doesn’t take away the grief and the heartache I have felt in the past 6+ years. You never get over the loss of a child. The grief changes over time, but there is always a piece of your heart missing.
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What you see on social media is only a snippet of life. When parents like me share our sadness, it doesn’t mean that our lives revolve around loss. Grief and happiness can coexist.
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Our society has come a long way in making child loss less taboo, but I think I speak for many other parents when I say—we still have a long way to go. Even though two of my children are not here physically, they will always be present in my life. I will not be silenced, and those of you grieving parents shouldn’t be silenced either.